I’ve written before on this blog of my love for the small island of Cyprus. Surrounded by Turkey, Syria and Lebanon this small island is, for me at least, the absolute definition of beauty.

There are many reasons why I would choose to rate Cyprus above all others. The views are simply stunning, the sea is crystal clear and the locals are always friendly. Crime too, is almost non existent. Put it this way, when the Cypriots go out of
an evening, they don’t bother with anything so tedious as locking up the house, because they feel no need to.
Perhaps those are just some of the reasons that has led Cyprus to rise as a tourist hotspot in recent years. I think it’s also part of the reason why a growing number of ex-pats are beginning to call it home.
There is, however, a flaw with Cyprus. And unfortunately, it’s a big one. When they take to the roads something strange happens to the Cypriots. They’re transformed from peaceful, good natured men and women into something approximating a road devil. They go absolutely mental. Rules of the road become nothing more than guidelines, and the guidelines put down for something as important as the highway code are tossed out of the window and burnt.
On a recent holiday to the island I had plenty of opportunities to observe this behaviour firsthand, usually as the driver behind put his full attention to forcing his way onto my back seat.
In Britain, for example, red lights at junctions mean stop, and that’s the end of the matter. In Cyprus such things are more of an optional courtesy to other road users. In fact I’m increasingly of the opinion that most Cypriot drivers are colourblind, such is their confusion with red and green.
It doesn’t just stop at traffic lights, though. Roundabouts also seem to be a mound of confusion. Rights of way and general good manners are completely lost, so the only way to determine when a gap in the traffic is coming is to inch out and hope the bloke coming towards you favours keeping his car intact rather than beating you to the exit.
Such things would be easy of course if said drivers were paying any sort of attention to the road. Unfortunately, they all seem to have better things to be doing than concentrating on driving. Mobile phones have been around for over thirty years now, and yet Cypriot motorists are the only ones to have invented them as a surgical attachment to the ear. Seriously, I think there are more drivers in Cyprus talking on their phones than there are other people on the island to talk to, which means most of them are probably just calling other people on the road for a chat. You know, as you do.
The official line from the Cypriot government is that driving an using a mobile phone is illegal, and anyone caught doing so will be fined. Except they won’t, because the cars in Cyprus have different colour number plates depending on if you’re a local or foreign driver. And since constable Tassos won’t want to catch Stavros from down the road for talking on his phone and make things awkward at the next barbecue, he will instead aim for you, because you’re a foreign driver and as such have a bright red number plate attached to your car. In other words, you’re a target.
Despite all this though, this island is truly wonderful. Once you’ve escaped the death trap of the motorway and have reached your destination, you can really start to know the island. Whether you head for the snow-capped peaks of the Troodos mountains, or for the peaceful splendour of Cape Greko, Cyprus has so much to offer.
You could even indulge, if you’re the sort of person who thinks exercise is fun and not just thinly disguised torture, in a local sport known as hashing. I won’t go into the details, but it involves following a route of flour around a specified area. If you’re extremely lucky your fellow hashers (don’t worry, the only drug on offer is beer) will decide to name you. As you can see from the picture below, this is exactly what happened to me.
From now on in the hashing community, I am to be known as the Man Mountain. I happen to think that’s quite brilliant.

Posted in Motoring Columns
Tags: cyprus, driving, holiday, motoring